Friday, October 2, 2009

"It may be strange to start a story with an ending. But all endings are also beginnigs. We just don't know it at the time...."

This is an excerpt from my journal that I wrote on September 26,2009:



"....I also went to the movie "up" with my mom. I want to be the little girl, Ellie, from the movie. Her hair reminded me of my own when i was little, and her spirit of adventure was how mine is; always ready and willing to explore no matter what the circumstance life has placed you in. i also grew a fear of finding my husband. I have never had this. i have always wanted him to come into my life, but tonight it hit me, one day one of us will leave the other. One has to finish this life without the other. I spend everyday dreaming of Mr. Right and it will be so painful to be separated even for a short time. But, what a beautiful gospel. i have eternity with my "Adventure Partner"....eternity.":)
"I have discovered that I fear endings. I cry at the end of every good book. Not necessarily because it is sad, but because it ended. I hate the music at the end of movies, even if I love the song, but because it's over. I always am left feeling empty. For a short time the movie or book took me out of my own little world and allowed me to experience a story from life, from a different perspective in someone Else's shoes. I think for that person, ache for the person, love, cry, laugh, experience ultimate fairytale joy, for that person, and within a few moments.... I turn the last page and close the book. I listen to the ending music, watching the credits roll, just to push stop and put the movie back in its case. And I am empty. I am now required to live my life. Not in anyone's shoes but my own. It takes all my power to take the first step into my own story again. I am constantly thinking, during every conversation I have, how its going to end. I fear being left empty.



"Good thing eternity goes on forever, but until then I will continue
to begin stories, knowing that at some point they have to end,

But Mine doesn't..."